5 Least-Favorite Questions To A New Mother

dont ASK

As the mother of a baby, you’ll get way more attention, comments and questions than you would if you were just out and about on your own. Some of this action is fun and even welcome, but there are some questions that you’d rather never hear uttered by another human being. Here are some from the list of my personal least-favorites.

  1. “Is he a good baby?”

This question still drives me crazy when I think about it. Is the person really asking if your baby is good or bad? They might as well just ask, “Is your baby evil or what?” Seriously, what makes a baby bad? Poor sleeping habits, colic, breastfeeding problems? These are typical baby problems and babies can’t help it. They’re babies and that’s what some babies do. It has no bearing on their characters, so people need to please stop asking new moms if their baby is a good one or not because the question frankly sucks.

  1. “Won’t you spoil him if you hold him all the time?”

With just a few words, this question puts moms on the defensive. Moms hold their babies because their babies thrive on it, it helps them stay content and they are less stressed-out. These is good.

  1. “Can I feed him ice cream/hot dogs/junk food/major allergens?”

No. You can’t feed my baby anything without my approval because I’m pretty much the only person (aside from my partner) who knows what kind of foods he can eat. Some foods are dangerous for babies, and some he may be allergic to. I don’t want him to have ice cream yet he really doesn’t care at this point.

  1. “Should you be eating that if you’re breastfeeding? Doesn’t it bother your baby?” ( Not my case thanks god…I cannot imagine my answers )

This is another question that puts moms on the defensive. Most likely, we know what our nursing babies can or can’t handle. If I can eat curry and salsa and broccoli, then I probably know that my baby doesn’t mind the flavor, it doesn’t give him gas and you can leave me alone now thanks.

  1. “How much does your baby weigh? He looks big/small for his age.”

Babies are super individual, simply because they are all individuals. When you question a kid’s size, it can sound you’re really questioning if her parents know what they’re doing. Are they feeding her enough, or are they not? It’s better if people realize that we (and our child’s doctor) know how he is doing and your question is just rude. We don’t have cookie-cutter babies, any more than we would be able to have clones. Just stop.

So most questions asked by friends, family, acquaintances and strangers are friendly and benign but others aren’t. What would you add to this list? In my opinion there are more horrific question but those are the 5 common horrible questions to a new mom

This post contains an affiliate link and I earn a commission if you shop through it.

Kentucky Derby Gear

Big Savings for Big Fans at Fanatics.com

Changing The Perspective Of My Sons’s Tantrums

unnamed

If you’re like me, the parent of a kid susceptible to tantrums occasionally, you know how difficult and emotionally demanding tantrums can be. I didn’t handle his tantrums well sometimes. I feel angry and resentful, and mad at my kid. Every parenting book suggested that kids throw temper tantrums as a way to manipulate their parents to get what they want. I’m sure some kids do but in my son’s case, he simply didn’t know how to control his reactions. I am trying to change my reaction to his tantrums and realized that my job is to teach him how to calm himself. I am trying to stop throwing tantrums about my son’s tantrums and help him to regulate himself.

Here are six things that can help:
1. Stop being angry at my son for his tantrums
Instead of feel offensive and want my son to be different or being angry that he is throwing a tantrum; I am trying to accept that this is who he is and learn to help.
2. I am not ignoring my son, but I am ignoring the tantrum
My son wasn’t trying to get attention by throwing a tantrum. But I noticed that when I did try to speak to him when he was throwing a tantrum, it almost seemed to start the tantrum over, always make sure my son is safe and that others around are as well.
3. I am trying to stop telling him to stop
A child who can’t regulate himself certainly isn’t going to have a miraculous improvement in his actions because his mom is screaming. My son needs me to be a calm person and see how I react.
4. I am teaching him how to calm himself down
I need to teach my son to calm his own tantrums by 1) Not talking to him during the tantrum. 2) Picking up a book that my son likes and reading it to him or I simply find an activity he loves to distract his attention, reading the book to my son would  make him want to join in, and understand that he could pick up a book when he’s feeling out of control and calm himself down.
Now when my son gets upset I offer him to read a book or he takes one on his own. Grown-ups have tools to calm themselves down same as kids.
5. I never talk about the tantrum after he is done
Talking about the tantrum afterward only gave it more weight than it deserved. We move on and move forward trying to focus in something else.
6. I don’t punish my son or take something away from him
A lot of kids who are disposed to do tantrums are anxious kids to begin with, so feeling like they’re going to lose something for a behavior they can’t yet control only adds to the anxiety more anxiety, and to the tantrums more tantrums. My son needs to know I love him no matter what and not feel like he’s a bad kid for freaking out.
The tantrums are random, but now I can track in reverse and see how to manage them but if I can’t, I’m going to tell him I love him anyways.

This post contains an affiliate link and I earn a commission if you shop through them.

I DON’T HAVE A “MOM TRIBE”

tribe

Maybe it’s because I’m an introvert, maybe it’s because I’m sarcastic or weird. I don’t know exactly what the reason is, but what I do know is that I don’t have a “mom tribe” and I’m learning that that’s okay even that sometimes I feel like I am not okay with that statement.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t occasionally jealous of those moms who do. I see pics on social media of moms going running together. I read updates about how thankful these women are for their “tribe” to pick them up when they’re feeling down. They go on vacations together or have massive play dates with their kids or swap childcare so they can get a date night. They’re practically inseparable and are forever grateful to the women who understand and love them.

I’m not hating. I think it is fabulous when women love on and encourage and lift one another up. I think the world can change when a group of women get together and decide they’re going to do something epic. Hearing women speak about how they feel like they’ve found their “people” makes my heart all warm and fuzzy.

I can be happy for them, and at peace with the fact that I don’t have the same. I’m a mom who’s a bit on the fringe of the social circles.

Don’t get me wrong: I have mom friends and we do get together every once in a while and commiserate over the trials and tribulations of toddlers and small children whose main mission is to destroy us. And I do have friends who “get me,” but these women are few and far between not to mention far away from me, so do I have a tribe? A group of women where we’re all friends and we all get together and do stuff and have group hugs and game nights? Nope, I don;t have that.

There are, of course, downsides to this situation. I don’t have many people to call on if I’m in dire need of a sanity break and want someone to watch my kids for a few hours. I also don’t have a group of women I can reach out to watch the kids so my husband and I can go out on dates together. If I plan far enough ahead I can make these things happen, but it seems like having “a tribe” would allow these events to come to fruition much faster than what I’m used to. It sounds like when you have a tribe you’re hardly ever in want because someone is always willing to drop what they’re doing to rescue you because they get it and they live close by and they want to reach out a hand.

I don’t have that. I have a few mom friends who aren’t conveniently located, so for the most part, it’s just me doing my mom thing on my own. And I’ve spent enough time bemoaning the fact I don’t have my people, and I’m pretty much done with that now. I’m at peace with who I am and that I don’t fit into any of the mom groups I’m surrounded by. I’m hanging out on the edges, and occasionally, I get invited into the inner circle, but it’s never for long.

And that’s okay.

I’m not mad at them. And I don’t feel sorry for me.

I like myself. I like my situation. I like the fact that I can be unabashedly me, and I don’t have an ongoing group text message about who is watching whose kids while whoever goes out for date night. I’m a bit independent and autonomous, and that’s where I’m at and I’m at peace with it.

I’ve heard rumors that once my kids are in school I’ll make friends with the parents of my kids’ friends so maybe I’ll someday have my own tribe. For now, though, I accept where I’m at and am relieved to be done trying to find my soul sisters. I’m quite a catch, so I trust that someday they’ll find me.
 

7 Parenting Mistakes Than Can Ruin Your Relationship

mistakes.jpg

I live with my partner for already 3 years and of course I’m not an expert. I’ve made enough mistakes I think, and also having a 2 years old toddler makes it more difficult. There’s room for mistakes and resistance in a relationship, nobody is the perfect parent or the perfect partner.Here are some mistakes that parenting commits:

  1. Not making time for each other. Let’s face it, raising kids takes tons of time and energy but you’ve got to make sure that you reserve some of that for your partner. Find time to connect. Have fun, laugh, be intimate and remind each other why you started a family together in the first place.
  2. Not making time for you. Another mistake that’s so easy to make is losing yourself completely to your family. You’ve got to make time for yourself. It is necessary.
  3. Not having fun as a family. Interacting as a family unit, especially when it’s something fun, is a great way to boost marital morale.
  4. Not asking for help. If you’re going to find the time for yourself, your partner and your family, you will need help. You can’t be afraid to ask for it. It’s especially important that your significant other knows what you need from them. Ask for help and make sure you get it.
  5. Micromanaging your child’s care. If your partner takes over bedtime duties, let them get it done in the way that works for them. You can’t expect others to do things exactly like you do. Believe me, leaving the control can be extremely hard, but holding on to it drives a piece out in your relationship.
  6. Differing discipline. While it’s extremely important that both parents are allowed their own parenting style, it is also key that they don’t damage each other. Do your best to get on the same page and act as a united front; nothing breeds resentment like being thrown under the bus.
  7. Sharing your bed with your kids. The family bed situation may not be a problem if both parents are happy with the sleeping arrangement. But if sharing your bed with your kids is affecting the quality of your sleep or the romantic intimacy, it might not be the best for your family.

 

8 Things You Will Definitely Not Miss About the Baby Stage

bb

Sure there are moments we all miss about our kids being babies (like falling asleep with them in our arms or the smell of their heads, not their diapers) but there are definitely certain things we don’t ever want to relive. Here are a few:

  1. Keeping track of bowel movements besides your own

Along with the smell of poop, you won’t miss having to have every waking moment and every conversation consumed with the topic, either. Although judging by what I’ve overheard at some gyms and health food stores it’s not reserved for just people with babies.

A doorbell, a phone ring, a friendly voice—any of these are enough to make your blood run cold when you’ve got a baby napping.

  1. A world ruled by burp cloths

Someday you’ll be able to leave the house—or even a room—without having to find a burp cloth first. Related: You can also look forward to owning a black top without stains on the shoulders.

  1. Hoarding diaper coupons like they’re priceless heirlooms

I had a neighbor who would go door-to-door asking everyone for their Sunday insert so she could stock up on diaper coupons. I never went this far, although I do remember crying once when my husband accidentally threw away a stack of $1.50 coupons that I had gotten as a supermarket promo.

  1. Not being able to say “goodnight” without lying

Why say “goodnight” to anyone? Those words are empty because you know that there is no ‘good’ in your night as long as your baby will be waking up every 20 minutes. In the future you’ll be able to say something other than, “OK then, see you soon,” before you fake sleep.

  1. Dreading sound of any kind

A doorbell, a phone ring, a friendly voice—any of these are enough to make your blood run cold when you’ve got a baby napping. Once they become better sleepers, though, you’ll be able to dread sounds because you just hate human interaction like normal people.

  1. A bag that doesn’t weigh 50 pounds

Once you don’t have to pack diapers, wipes, snacks, bottles, toys, extra clothes, sunscreen, medicine, a baby monitor and four books on baby care, you can go back to a bag filled with gum and old receipts like you used to do.

  1. Doing five loads of laundry every day

You’ll get a short break from this schedule until your kids become teens.

  1. Taking an hour to get into your car and another hour to get out

I’m not going to lie, one of the happiest days of my life was watching my son toddle to the car, crawl into his car seat and buckle himself in.

I hope you identified on this article, I think inside of us we feel the same way. The information on this article was original from Marsha Takeda-Morrison

 

This page contains affiliate links and I earn a commission if you shop through them. Prices won’t be effected.

Monitor Obsession

monitor.jpg

The video monitor can be the amazing invention that has allowed us to go from simply hearing our children cry through a static-filled speaker to watching them sleep. Except we mostly watch them be awake, roll around babble, complain, and cry.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of the video monitor, but I believe they severely impede many parents’ sleep training efforts.

Simply put, video monitors allow custodians to see and know too much during the sleep coaching process. Sure, some people are able to work on sleep and not sit and watch the monitor for every little peep, movement or simply to obsess about how long it is taking their child to soothe him/her to sleep, but most are far too invested in the outcome of every sleep. Their anxiety doesn’t allow them to look or walk away; I can admit has happened to me.

The challenge emerges when the anxiety that causes a parent or caretaker to stare at the monitor also results in over responding or having a “rescue response” to every little peep or movement. Too often, well-meaning parents see their baby have a brief awakening during naps at around 40 to 45 minutes and it results in the parent jumping up and going in to get their child.

The issue here is that a partial arousal at 40 to 45 minutes, after one sleep cycle, is completely normal. Without a super high quality speaker or video monitor, most parents wouldn’t even realize their baby is waking up and the baby would very likely put him/herself back to sleep in a few moments. By responding to the arousal, parents are unwittingly preventing sleep consolidation.

So what can you do if you find yourself watching the video monitor obsessively or jumping up at every peep coming from the speaker? First, work on putting our baby down drowsy but awake. Babies that put themselves to sleep to start are far more successful at putting themselves back to sleep between cycles.

When your baby has an arousal tries to take a breath and wait a few minutes before going to your child. Babies often wake up briefly between sleep cycles. They also make a LOT of sleep noises. These noises range from grunting to whining to crying. This doesn’t mean they are fully or even ready to be awake.

Many babies experience something called sleep cries. These cries can be intense and some parents assume their child is in pain or in distress and immediately attend to their child. However, the child is often still asleep! The crying usually passes in about five minutes then reduces to whining and fussing. By minute 10 the child is often sleeping soundly again. If your child experiences these sleep cries he/she is likely over tired.

It’s important to allow babies to work through sleep cries as rescue responding will result in fully awakening the child, causing inadequate naps or creating a night waking scenario. When parents repeatedly rescue respond to partial stimulation or sleep cries they inadvertently create habitual waking.

Just remember that partial  stimulation in sleep are to be expected and allowing your child the time to practice the skill of self-soothing will go a long way in your effort toward healthy, consolidated sleep.

So if you’re sitting in front of your video monitor instead of taking a shower, calling your best friend or taking your own nap, please consider an audio monitor during sleep training periods. You may find that you see better, faster results with far less energy and anxiety expended.

Original post from Sleepy Bye Family
This page contains affiliate links and I earn a commission if you shop through them. Prices won’t be effected. 

You love your child but sometimes…

Adrian M

I would do anything for my child, but sometimes I feel guilty to admit the truth about that sometimes I don’t like him very much. The key is that I don’t like his behavior and is not that I don’t like him as a person. When I say that I don’t like my child is probably the unappropriated behavior that sometimes I have to be the viewer, I can feel frustrated because I am tired of the constant back talk, the yelling or the arguing. Or I don’t like the way my child treats me lately, this reflection is directed toward those parents that feel the same way I feel at any age of their children.

I think there are periods of time when we don’t like our child because of a certain stage we are experiencing through. As a mother I really liked being around him, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him but at this point I disliked his behavior so much that sometimes I feel really exhaust knowing is completely natural at this point of his 2-years old and it’s all part of my child growing up and starting a life of his own, even if it’s painful at times.

Here’s an important distinction I’d like to make again: not liking your child’s behavior is very different from not liking him as a person. A child’s behavior becomes part of his personality in some ways. In fact, you often can’t see where he ends and the behavior begins and actually you also associate him with his personality as the words are coming out of your child’s mouth. You can see the nasty look on your child’s eyes sometimes even at this early age and you can hear the rude tone in your son’s voice. It’s easy to get frustrated and it becomes easy not to like the child who’s performing this type of behavior at any age.

I think it’s important to realize that sometimes kids can be a pain in the neck, just like the rest of us, is just a stage and is not connected on how much we love them.

Follow my blog for more interesting and informative articles about our children on this parenting stage.

HOW MUCH PEE IS IN OUR SWIMMING POOLS?

unnamed.jpg

Talk to anyone and they’ll tell you peeing in the pool is just plain wrong. Despite people’s outward disgust, new research says many of your friends are probably lying.

Scientists developed a test to discover how much urine is really in local swimming pools and the results may, or may not surprise you.

“We want to use this study to promote public education on appropriate swimming hygiene practices,” Lindsay Blackstock, a graduate student at the University of Alberta, Edmonton, and lead author or the study told The Guardian. “We should all be considerate of others and make sure to exit the pool to use the restroom when nature calls.”

First, Blackstock and her team identified a compound that would be consistently present in urine, artificial sweetener, acesulfame potassium (ACE). ACE is found in processed foods and passed through the digestive tract unaltered.

Using this method, researchers tested 250 water samples from 31 pools and hot tubs in two Canadian cities. They then compared the results with over 90 samples of clean tap water from the outlets initially used to fill the pool.

The findings, published in the American Chemical Society journal, Environmental Science & Technology Letters reported: “The concentration of ACE in the pools and hot tubs ranged from 30 to 7,110 nanograms per liter of water — up to 570 times more than the levels found in the tap water samples.

“The researchers estimated that swimmers released more than 7 gallons of urine — enough to fill a medium-size trash bin.”

Scientists hope to develop an ACE test to ensure pool water is kept at a hygienic level.

Original information from Practical Parenting

A simple trick to gets kids to eat more vegetables

unnamed

A simple trick could influence your kids to eat more veggies. My experience trying to force my son is even worst. Sometimes this method or approach is a failure. Psychologists propose using your child’s appetite to your benefit serving vegetables first in isolation.

There are no rules telling children what foods they should eat first, they’ll eat what tastes better to them. But what if vegetables were severed first, like an entrée, to a hungry child, probably they will eat them to satisfy their hunger.

For the vegetables, the better presentation in a multi-food context may not do any motivation because people choose instead to consume more of the other “better” items.

Researchers attended a school cafeteria and observed the eating habits of more than 800 students and many of them chose to take a cup of carrots when displayed between other foods.

Later they returned and they located the carrots at the tables with no other food options where students could reach them, the result was a 430 per cent increase in carrot consumption.

I would like to do this experiment with broccoli to have similar results.

Sleep-Deprived Parents Are Paying Over $300 for This Doll

lulla

Photo from Facebook

Parents all over the world are clamoring for the Lulla doll developed by researchers in Iceland to help newborns sleep better. Hypoallergenic and machine-washable, this doll pretty much has it all. With the exception of taste, the Lulla Doll utilizes a baby’s four other senses to help comfort and drift off to sleep, something new parents are desperate for.

By pressing on the chest, the doll can mimic a mother’s breathing and heartbeat. The face was designed to be gender and race neutral and apparently is supposed to be more visually appealing for a baby rather than a stuffed animal. It absorbs scent easily, so parents can hold it against their skin and then pass on the doll to their baby, who can then snuggle up to it, and feel as if they were actually sleeping next to Mom or Dad.

What an amazing product, right? There’s just one catch: The doll retails for around $70. Due to the insane popularity however, the manufacturer cannot keep up with demand and parents are heading to third-party sites like Eba y and paying more than $300.

Babies are little jerks when it comes to sleep. And a lack of sleep makes for cranky babies and exhausted parents.

For the parents with gobs of money, sure, by all means pre-order the Lulla Doll. Bid to your heart’s content. But for the rest of us, spending this much on a doll instead of diapers and food is just impractical. I get it; babies are little jerks when it comes to sleep. And a lack of sleep makes for cranky babies and exhausted parents. But there are other ways to soothe a baby and mimic the closeness of a parent for a fraction of the cost.

A white noise machine can be purchased for around $20. I used it and It simulated the noises of babies heard in the womb and there’s even a mode that mimics a heartbeat.

You can hold a little security blanket against your skin for a while and then place it next to your baby. It’s soft and comforting and it may not have a human face but let’s be honest, does a baby really pay attention to that?

And whatever happened to a little old-fashioned rocking? I get it—we can’t be there all night to sit up in a rocker, but some of my most calming moments in those early days occurred while rhythmically swaying back and forth in the darkness, holding my sleepy baby in my arms, by the way I still using mine for short periods of time but still a valuable item for me.

Whether you co-sleep with your baby or sleep train on a schedule, eventually your child will sleep, with or without said creepy doll. Contrary to what this doll claims to do, there is no magical cure to get a baby to sleep. But desperate parents will try anything and I guess if it doesn’t work, you could always sell it on Ebay, right? Some information from by Mom.me

Follow my blog for more interesting and informative articles about our children on this parenting stage.

🙂