15 Reasons Why Toodlers Are Such Angry Little People

Toddlers get a bad rap. Their lives are tumultuous and filled with people who just don’t understand that they need their sandwiches cut into perfect triangles that don’t touch each other under any circumstances. And the juice should be in the blue cup…I mean the red cup…no, it’s actually the blue. Life is hard for these little dictators because sometimes they need to feel the satisfying crunch of a thousand Cheerios under their feet and most people are trying to take this away from them.

Of course, they feel angry. Who wouldn’t?

Here are some other reasons why toddlers are probably so angry all of the time:

1. They fall down a lot.

Have you ever seen how often those little shorties bite the big one? I don’t know any official numbers, but it’s often. I’d be pissed too if I was falling down all day long on legs that just weren’t working properly.

2. Moms don’t get shit right.

It’s not that hard, really. Moms should be able to figure out that clothes are painful to toddlers extremities, and that if your toddler wants to get into the car all by themselves, well then, the world will just need to wait.

3. There is literal crap in their pants.

And potty training is for losers.

4. Nobody understands what they are saying.

Words are hard, and sometimes screaming just feels right.

5. Everybody is trying to ‘change’ them.

If they have made a self-commitment to cry hysterically each time they don’t get to push the door button at the library, who are you to try and take this from them?

6. Nobody takes their problems seriously.

They don’t want your “help” while putting on their shoes; they just want one thousand years to get it right. Chill out.

7. Pants are the true oppressor of our great nation, and nobody seems to get this.

Toddlers get it. Legs are meant to feel all the changes of the seasons.

8. Time-outs are like jail for innocent people.

Toddlers are ruled by instinct, and their instincts tell them to say, “No!”  in a very loud voice when asked most things.

9. Everyone is always suggesting a nap.

They don’t need a nap; they just need someone to let them paint their body with syrup like God intended.

10. It’s like nobody has ever seen someone want to be naked in Target before.

Toddlers are innovators, and they predict that nudity is going to be the next trending topic.

11. It’s always, ‘hold my hand,’ ‘don’t run in the street,’ ‘don’t eat batteries,’ ‘don’t lick the cat.’

These things bring them joy. You don’t know that toddler’s life, lady.

12. They understand that the choices you are offering

them are complete bullshit.

Oh, really. They get to choose between taking a nap now or taking a nap in five minutes? They know a con when they see one.

13. There’s a never-ending list of things they need to do, and people keep jacking their shit up.

Jacking shit up — every toddler’s mom should wear a shirt that says this.

14. They haven’t known you for very long, so they need to see how long it takes for you to blow.

It’s like a long scientific experiment titled, “How fast can I make these people taking care of me lose their minds?” Their hypothesis is “very soon.”

15. Tantrums are great stress relievers.

It’s better than meditation and/or exercise according to some toddler experts.

So, next time you see a toddler losing his behavior at the grocery store, the playground, the pool, the library, the restaurant, or your own home, remember that they are just trying to live their most authentic life. Instead of trying to escape their wailing, you should really stay and watch and applaud their efforts. And give them candy.

Via Scary Mommy

20 Phrases To Calm Down Your Child

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Next time you find yourself dealing with a toddler tantrum, or a cold shoulder from your teen put your best foot forward by trying one of these 20 phrases:

  1. Instead of “Stop throwing things!”

Try this: “When you throw your toys, I think you don’t like playing with them. Is that what’s going on?”

This speaker/listener technique is designed to help communicate feelings in a non-confrontational manner. Not only does this keep the lines of communication open, you are modeling how to phrase a situation from your perspective, which in turn gives your child a chance to rephrase events from their perspective.

  1. Instead of “Big kids don’t do this!”

Try this: “Big kids and even grown-ups sometimes have big feelings. It’s okay — these feelings will pass.”

Let’s be honest, the older your kids get, the bigger the problems they face, the bigger the feelings they have. Telling them that big kids don’t experience anger, frustration, or anxiety is simply untrue. It also encourages children to avoid or quash emotions and prevents them from processing them in a healthy manner.

  1. Instead of: “Don’t you dare hit!”

Try this: “It’s okay to be angry, but I won’t let you hit. We need to keep everyone safe.”

This gets the message firmly across that the emotion is okay, but the action is not. Separating the two will help your child learn to do so as well.

  1. Instead of: “That’s it, you’re getting a time-out!”

Try this: “Let’s go to our calm-down space together.”

My Favorite, because I hate the sentence Time out

  1. Instead of: “Brush your teeth right now!”

Try this: “Do you want to brush Elmo’s teeth first or yours?”

For toddlers, tantrums are a way to exert control over their environment. This way, you are offering your toddler a choice, and in turn, some control.

  1. Instead of “Eat your food or you will go to bed hungry!”

Try this: “What can we do to make this food yummy?”

This places the responsibility of finding a solution back on your child.

  1. Instead of “Stop whining!”

Try this: “How about a quick ‘do-over’ in your normal voice?”

Sometimes kids complaint and don’t even realize it. By asking them to rephrase in a normal tone, you are teaching them that the way they say things matters.

  1. Instead of “How many times do I have to say the same thing?”

Try this: “I can see you didn’t hear me the first time. How about when I say it to you, you whisper it back to me?”

Having your child repeat back what they hear solidifies your message. Varying the volume adds an element of fun to the request.

  1. Instead of “Stop getting frustrated!”

Try this let’s take a break and come back to it in 17 minutes.”

It sounds random, but a research-based formula  for productivity is to work for 52 minutes, break for 17. By taking a break from task-related stress, you come back to it ready to begin again, focused and more productive than before. The same concept applies to homework, practicing the piano, or playing a sport.

  1. Instead of “Go to your room!”

Try this: “I’m going to stay right here by you until you’re ready for a hug.”

Again, isolation sends the message that there is something wrong with your child. By giving them space until they are ready to re-engage, you are providing reassurance that you will always be there for them.

  1. Instead of “You are embarrassing me!”

Try this: “Let’s go somewhere private so we can sort this out.”

Remember, it’s not about you. It’s about them and their feelings. By removing both of you from the situation, you are reinforcing the team effort without drawing attention to the behavior.

  1. Instead of sighing and rolling your eyes

Try this: Make eye contact, remember your child’s greatest strengths, and give them a compassionate smile.

Practice keeping it in perspective by seeing the strengths in your child.

  1. Instead of “You are impossible!”

Try this: “You are having a tough time. Let’s figure this out together.”

Always, always separate the behavior from the child, reinforce the emotion, and work together to come up with a solution.

  1. Instead of “Stop yelling!”

Try this: “I’m going to pretend I’m blowing out birthday candles. Will you do it with me?”

Deep breathing helps restore the body to a calm state. Being playful with how you engage in the breathing hastens cooperation. For older children, ask them to breathe with you like Darth Vader does.

  1. Instead of “I can’t deal with you right now!”

Try this: “I’m starting to get frustrated, and I’m going to be right here calming down.”

Teach children how to label and govern their emotions by modeling this in real-time.

  1. Instead of “I’m done talking!”

Try this: “I love you. I need you to understand what I ma saying.

Give children a visual to express how they are feeling. It may surprise you what they say and what kind of solutions they come up with to change their direction.

  1. Instead of “I am notchanging it!”

Try this: “I’m sorry. How can we do better next time?”

Shifting the focus from the event to the solution eliminates the power struggle associated with digging in your heels about the event.

  1. Instead of “Stop saying ‘No!’”

Try this: “I hear you saying ‘No.’ I understand you do not want this. Let’s figure out what we can do differently.

By acknowledging your child’s “no,” you are de-escalating the situation. Rather than arguing yes/no, change the script to focus on the future and the prospect of a solution.

  1. Instead of “Don’t be angry!”

Try this: “I get angry too sometimes. Let’s try our warrior cry to get those angry feelings in check.”

recent study reveals that yelling when we are physically hurt can actually interrupt pain messages being sent to the brain. Although your child may not be in pain per se, a warrior cry can work to release angry energy in a playful manner.

  1. Instead of “Stop overreacting!”

Try this: “You are having a big reaction to a big emotion. If your emotion had a monster’s face, what would it look like?”

When kids are tired, hungry, or overstimulated, they are going to overreact. Putting a face to the emotion externalize the issue and allows children to respond to their inner monologue of anger. This subsequently helps them exercise control over the emotion.

I hope you found this article useful next time you confront your angry child

You love your child but sometimes…

Adrian M

I would do anything for my child, but sometimes I feel guilty to admit the truth about that sometimes I don’t like him very much. The key is that I don’t like his behavior and is not that I don’t like him as a person. When I say that I don’t like my child is probably the unappropriated behavior that sometimes I have to be the viewer, I can feel frustrated because I am tired of the constant back talk, the yelling or the arguing. Or I don’t like the way my child treats me lately, this reflection is directed toward those parents that feel the same way I feel at any age of their children.

I think there are periods of time when we don’t like our child because of a certain stage we are experiencing through. As a mother I really liked being around him, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him but at this point I disliked his behavior so much that sometimes I feel really exhaust knowing is completely natural at this point of his 2-years old and it’s all part of my child growing up and starting a life of his own, even if it’s painful at times.

Here’s an important distinction I’d like to make again: not liking your child’s behavior is very different from not liking him as a person. A child’s behavior becomes part of his personality in some ways. In fact, you often can’t see where he ends and the behavior begins and actually you also associate him with his personality as the words are coming out of your child’s mouth. You can see the nasty look on your child’s eyes sometimes even at this early age and you can hear the rude tone in your son’s voice. It’s easy to get frustrated and it becomes easy not to like the child who’s performing this type of behavior at any age.

I think it’s important to realize that sometimes kids can be a pain in the neck, just like the rest of us, is just a stage and is not connected on how much we love them.

Follow my blog for more interesting and informative articles about our children on this parenting stage.

A boy or a girl thing? Do not teach this to your children

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Do not teach this to your children…

The scene is familiar and sometimes happens to me having a boy and I can tell you I make the same mistake: My son is playing in the dirt with his trucks, cars, yelling and being loud, and of course full of energy. He’s just a happy kid playing outside and probably myself or some family member make an exclamation: he is just a boy, boys are like that or boy are more hyper than girls etc… just to mention some comments.

It is a common phrase, and even my friends and family have joked about our own children in this way. The boy we’re talking about is noisy, active and loud. Maybe he’s or will be destructive or disorganized, but I am realizing I am having issues with this comments that I personally make myself.

We are promoting a traditional and obsolete gender label. I know many people swear or believe that boys are naturally different from girls, and that may be true. But the way we talk to, or comment about it is not well about how we treat our children and the prospects and expectations we are creating. When we expect boys to be noisy, loud and active, we are tutoring them to be exactly that.

We are creating behaviors and personality based on gender. Being active does not have a gender. There’s no sex in being shy or loud or delicate, there is not gender in being funny, smart, lazy or motivated. Anyone can have these characteristics anyway beside of the sex, and our culture assigns them one anyway.

They don’t need to make a behavior a male or female thing, and what is not even appropriate and I include myself, is to do it in front of kids, every kid is different. Although some boys are loud and rough, some are more reserved and sensitive, there are plenty of boys at both who prefer read than play outside, boys who talk quietly and don’t yell out in class or on the yard. We all know that there is not just one way of being a boy or a girl. But when we say things like, “He’s all boy,” we’re creating and celebrating a pyramid of qualities. We’re saying that this is the way to be a boy.

Girls are also reaching this message. They are learning that some type of behaviors are recognized with being a boy and may feel the need to distance themselves from those types of individuals. Anyway, kids are learning what adults think boys and girls should be and how they should act from these types of comments.

If we don’t want our children to be aggressive or destructive or bad-mannered, don’t defend these actions, teach them what’s right and what is not. Expect more from me also, and I will expect something different from others. Follow my blog for more tips and informative articles.

Monica 🙂

WHO IS HARDER TO RAISE?

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Boys vs. Girls:

Can we finally answer the great parenting debate over which sex is more challenging to raise? I truly believe in the results.

Here are some results :

Discipline :
Who’s harder? Boys
Why don’t boys seem to listen? Turns out their hearing is not as good as girls’ right from birth, and this difference only gets greater as kids get older. Girls’ hearing is more sensitive in the frequency range critical to speech discrimination, and the verbal centers in their brains develop more quickly. That means a girl is likely to respond better to discipline strategies such as praise or warnings like “Don’t do that” or “Use your words.” “Boys tend to be more tactile they may need to be picked up and plunked in a time out chair. They’re also less verbal and more impulsive, he adds, which is especially evident in the toddler and preschool years.
These developmental differences contribute to the mislabeling of normal behavior as problematic, a growing number of observers say.

Physical Safety:
Who’s harder? Boys

Boys, being natural risk takers, may need encouragement to slow down a little, but maybe girls need to be encouraged to take more risks. Look for opportunities for your daughter to jump off a wall, swim in the deep end, or try the bigger slide.

Communication:
Who’s harder? First boys, then girls

From birth, a girl baby tends to be more interested in looking at colors and textures, like those on the human face, while a boy baby is drawn more to movement, like a whirling mobile. In a nutshell, girls are rigged to be people-oriented, boys to be action-oriented. Because girls study faces so intently, they’re better at reading nonverbal signals, such as expression and tone of voice. Boys not only learn to talk later than girls and use more limited vocabularies, they also have more trouble connecting feelings with words.

As girls get to be 8 or so, things can get harder: The flip side of being so adept at communicating is that girls exert a lot of energy on it. There can be a great deal of drama around who’s mad at whom, who said what and why, and more. Start when your daughter’s a toddler to establish an open communication, so she learns she can come to you for advice.

Self-esteem:
Who’s harder? Girls

Developing a healthy self-image is critical to all kids. But as the more compliant and people-oriented gender, girls tend to grow up less confident and more insecure than boys, researchers say.

Make no mistake, helpfulness and nurturing are virtues for everybody. But this tendency in girls makes it smart to help her explore and strengthen her inner nature and encourage her to try new things.
Body image is a big part of self-esteem, and though there’s certainly body-image dysfunction in boys and men, it remains mostly a female issue. The natural rounding out of the body that happens in puberty clashes with the unnatural slimness girls see in the culture around them.
Teach your daughter to listen to her body’s signals of hunger and satiety. Girls who listen to their bodies tend to listen to their instincts in other areas. Sports are a great way for girls to build confidence and a healthy appreciation for their bodies.

School:
Who’s harder? Mostly boys
Boys and modern education are not an idyllic match. An indoor-based day and an early emphasis on academics and visual-auditory learning ask a lot of a group that arrives at school less mature. In their early years, most boys lag behind girls in developing attentiveness, self-control and language and fine motor skills.
The relatively recent acceleration of the Pr-K and kindergarten curricula has occurred without awareness that the brain develops at different sequences in girls and boys. Music, clay work, finger painting, and physical exercise early-ed activities that once helped lively kids acclimate to school are vanishing. Few teachers are trained in handling the problems that result.
One area where girls do less well in school concerns spatial learning, such as geometry. Girls may use different parts of their brains to process space perceptions. The key is for parents to present both boys and girls with plenty of no-pressure opportunities to try out the areas that are challenging.

I obtained some information from Parenting since I had my son I truly believe how boys are more difficult to raise specially at early ages. For more articles and tips follow my blog.

 

 

How to Deal With Back Talk From Your Kids

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When a child is being verbally disrespectful or as we called it in our home, “emotionally biting” someone, a parent’s defensive wall goes up and she screams right back! Parents who are having loud, ugly words screamed at them would react. The question is, “is there another option?” Yes, there is.

First, let me say that I firmly believe that parents should not be disrespected or have to endure any kind of emotional rudeness, but it does happen. Once it happens a parent feels like there’s only one thing to do to stop it: punish! I want to offer another way, one that not only stops the rude and disrespectful behavior in tracks but also teaches.

Remember when your baby’s cry was her only form of communication? Rude, disrespectful behavior is also a form of communication. Verbal disrespect and rude words are a volatile expression of feelings that haven’t (otherwise) been verbalized. The feelings need to be released or all sorts of things may happen.

When a child is screaming horrible things at you, the first thing you need to be aware of is your desire to scream back, “Don’t you dare talk to me that way!” or “Who do you think you are?” or “You’re g-r-o-u-n-d-e-d!”

I’m not going to lie; it’s hard, and it’s normal to want to retaliate. But screaming and punishing in response doesn’t address or resolve the original feelings that caused your child to be disrespectful. They don’t teach a child how to manage the intense tidal wave he or she is feeling. Punishing her makes her swallows her intense emotions and will only cause those same feelings to erupt again in a different form.

Parents tend to think children get angry on purpose. Your child doesn’t know how she got so mad. Her anger is a mystery to her. It’s also a cry for help. To a child, being really mad feels scary, like she’s out of control and her feelings have a life of their own. When you say, “Stop it now,” she thinks, OK, but how do I hold this tidal wave of feelings back? Please show me, don’t punish me.

Parents need to accept that intense feelings are part of growing up. You are their safe place; you need to teach your child how to deal with volatile feelings by doing it yourself. How? Could be by showing her something other than reacting, and screaming at her?

Imagine for a moment that a parent and a child are standing opposite each other. Stretched between them is a rope. As the child yells, she pulls on the rope and let’s go. A tidal wave of emotion leaves the child and travels across the rope and hits the parent. Now covered in imaginary emotional goo, the parent pulls on the rope as she yells back. It becomes a tug of war, an emotional war.

In order for a parent to teach a child how to handle a tidal wave of intense emotions, the parent has to disengage and drop the rope, thereby stopping the tug of war, before any talking or resolution can begin. This is the crucial turning point. You’ve stopped things from continuing to escalate, and have turned things toward resolution.

Your child will try to get you to reengage. She’ll scream mean words at you and she’ll be rude. Stay silent. Do not reengage; do not pick up the rope! As soon as your child realizes that you’re not reengaging, she will also realize she was out of line. Now is the moment for action.

You might say, “When you get this upset, you need to calm down first, hit something, and release your anger (through exercise, or whatever the rule is in your house) before talking to me.” Once your child has released the anger, invite her to talk: “Now please begin with an apology and let’s talk about your feelings calmly.”

By dropping the rope and stopping the emotional tug of war, you’re able to get to the crucial turning point and turn things toward resolution instead of keeping the “war” going by yelling and punishment.

I hope your found this article informative, I obtained this information from PopSugar.com I truly believe that our children are our reflection. If you are interested in more informative and educative, or just tips in your parenting life follow my blog.

 

 

Understanding your children‘s emotions

mota

Emotions are part of the humans inside, understand them is needed to live in harmony around people and with ourselves. It Is necessary to understand your emotions and live in peace with them, we need to understand as well the peoples’ and recognize the consequences of fight them down.

Do not put down your children’s emotions, the consequences could be negative on their behaviors. In this post, I would like to share with you some of the consequences and thoughts on how to put down your children’s emotions can affect them seriously.

  • Feeling emotions is not sometime negative in our life’s; putting down or ignore your child’s emotions would let them think that is showing a negative feeling.
  • They will learn not to cry and show his emotions in a different way like anger and fury, as an effect they can develop mental problems in the future.
  • They will feel confuse once they want to cry and won’t know what to do when they are feeling sad and will hide to cry thinking there is something bad as the illusion that only fragile and weak people cry.
  • Kid will grow up without emotional intelligence and will disconnect from their heart developing health problems.
  • The lack of creativeness and connection with their emotions won’t let them be real and won’t show their authenticity showing their real personality.
  • They will develop immature personality having difficulties to understand others individuals in their environments.
  • They will be able to blame other people on the way they feels, instead to find a solution on how they feel.
  • Once they experience a difficult situation like the lost of a family member for example, they will have more chances to commit suicidal acts.
  • Kid will feel useless and won’t have their self steam strong and define, since they are not having the emotional support from their parents or guardians.
  • As adults they will feel some time of bitterness and resentment about their life because they did not learn how to express their emotions.
  • In school they could face mistreatment and neglecting, especially when they are little, and in the job place as adults because they would not know how to express emotions.
  • They could develop some addictions as drinking, drugs, smoking and all type of addictions since he will feel empty inside

As a parents we need to take the time to understand our children since they are born, and also on all the phases on their lives. They need us to understand the way they are feeling inside.

Children needs to understand their emotions , we need to let them laugh, cry, and get angry; they need to understand that emotions are normal; with time they will understand the meaning of each emotion to find the solutions and feel better as individuals.

Changing unacceptable behavior in kids by changing their environment

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They are not enough parents trying to challenge the bad behavior in our children by changing their surroundings. The modifications in their environments, are more used in infants and small children than with older children , since they get older parents try to rely on the verbal  methods, but since this option is really easy and effective we all can put it in practice. If children are involved in something interesting they are less likely pester parents. Let’s consider some good and easy  ideas to make it possible:

  • Some parents receive excellent results when you assign a special area in the garage, the living rooms or any corner where the kids are able to build, paint, mess and create their social environment. Limiting their space is also a negative reason for them to behave, children most of the time accept this limitations of their life space
  • Also car trips are times when especially they aggravate their parents, make sure to have enough material in the car to entertain your child and keep them become bored or restless.
  • Most parents organize play dates, arrange playmates to come to the house, frequently two or more children will find acceptable things to do and listen to their parents than if the child is alone.
  • Playdoh, finger paints, fun card games, puppets, theaters putting some shows; all these things can reduce the aggressive, restless, or trouble behavior.
  • Sometimes we offer to our children unacceptable environments where is too difficult and complex to be around, try to focus on have your house or their area easier for them to do things and do not feel the frustration that comes with the lack of control of their environment.
  • Another way to simplify your child’s environment is to buy clothes easy for them to put themselves, putting their closet hooks at a lower level, buying plastic cups, and purchasing child-size eating implements.

Children have an amazing capacity to adjust comfortably to changes. I hope you found this article useful and easier to put in practice. I became a blogger since I became a mom two years ago for the first time in my early forties, I truly believe in the articles I post and I would love to support and provide informative articles and tips to all the parents in this parenthood stage.