5 Least-Favorite Questions To A New Mother

dont ASK

As the mother of a baby, you’ll get way more attention, comments and questions than you would if you were just out and about on your own. Some of this action is fun and even welcome, but there are some questions that you’d rather never hear uttered by another human being. Here are some from the list of my personal least-favorites.

  1. “Is he a good baby?”

This question still drives me crazy when I think about it. Is the person really asking if your baby is good or bad? They might as well just ask, “Is your baby evil or what?” Seriously, what makes a baby bad? Poor sleeping habits, colic, breastfeeding problems? These are typical baby problems and babies can’t help it. They’re babies and that’s what some babies do. It has no bearing on their characters, so people need to please stop asking new moms if their baby is a good one or not because the question frankly sucks.

  1. “Won’t you spoil him if you hold him all the time?”

With just a few words, this question puts moms on the defensive. Moms hold their babies because their babies thrive on it, it helps them stay content and they are less stressed-out. These is good.

  1. “Can I feed him ice cream/hot dogs/junk food/major allergens?”

No. You can’t feed my baby anything without my approval because I’m pretty much the only person (aside from my partner) who knows what kind of foods he can eat. Some foods are dangerous for babies, and some he may be allergic to. I don’t want him to have ice cream yet he really doesn’t care at this point.

  1. “Should you be eating that if you’re breastfeeding? Doesn’t it bother your baby?” ( Not my case thanks god…I cannot imagine my answers )

This is another question that puts moms on the defensive. Most likely, we know what our nursing babies can or can’t handle. If I can eat curry and salsa and broccoli, then I probably know that my baby doesn’t mind the flavor, it doesn’t give him gas and you can leave me alone now thanks.

  1. “How much does your baby weigh? He looks big/small for his age.”

Babies are super individual, simply because they are all individuals. When you question a kid’s size, it can sound you’re really questioning if her parents know what they’re doing. Are they feeding her enough, or are they not? It’s better if people realize that we (and our child’s doctor) know how he is doing and your question is just rude. We don’t have cookie-cutter babies, any more than we would be able to have clones. Just stop.

So most questions asked by friends, family, acquaintances and strangers are friendly and benign but others aren’t. What would you add to this list? In my opinion there are more horrific question but those are the 5 common horrible questions to a new mom

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Mother Shares Her Heartbreaking Story As A Warning To All Mothers

Five years ago Jillian Johnson welcomed a healthy baby boy into the world via an emergency c-section.After around two hours, little Landon had latched perfectly onto his mother’s breast and began breastfeeding. Everything seemed normal.

Jarrod and I wanted what was best for Landon as every parent does for their child,” writes Jillian in a blog post for FedIsBest

“We took all of the classes. Bought and read all of the books. We were ready! Or so we thought….every class and book was geared toward breastfeeding and how it’s so important if you want a healthy child.”

Landon was born in a “Baby-Friendly” hospital which places focus on breastfeeding. (No formula was given out except for medical reasons in which case a prescription was required.)

As nurses and lactation consultations visited Jillian and Landon they commented how “he had a great latch and was doing fine”, although she says one did point out that due to Jillian’s PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) she may struggle to produce milk.

Despite this, she was still encouraged to exclusively breastfeed.

Jillian says Landon would not stop crying unless he was on the breast, so she continued to nurse him continuously, what the nurses described as “cluster feeding”.

“I recalled learning all about that in the classes I had taken and being a first-time mum, I trusted my doctors and nurses to help me through this – even more so since I was pretty heavily medicated from my emergency c-section and this was my first baby,” says Jillian.

“But I was wrong. I’ve learned I have to be my child’s number one advocate.”

Within 24 hours Landon has nursed for a total of 9.3 hours, had zero wet nappies with four dirty ones.

After 27 hours he had lost 4.67% of his birth weight.

On the second day he nursed for 14 hours total, her 3 wet nappies and 6 dirty ones.

After 53 hours he had lost 9.27% of his body weight.

According to the Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA) a general guideline says that a baby loses 5-10% of birth weight in the first week and regains this by 2-3 weeks. 

“I had no idea that he was inconsolable because he was starving – literally.”

Landon and Jillian were sent home after just 64 hours (2.5 days).

12 Hours later, Landon went into cardiac arrest caused by dehydration. He was rushed to hospital and placed in NICU. 15 days later he was taken off life support.

“I still have many, many days of guilt and questions – what if I would’ve just given him a bottle? And anger because how would I have known.”

Jillian says she still struggles daily but that by sharing her story hopes Landon’s death won’t be in vain.

The Fed is Best Foundation is dedicated to the prevention of newborn and infant starvation from insufficient exclusive breastfeeding.

Their message is “Feed your baby. Feed them as much as they need to stay safe and satisfied. Only they know what they need.”

This article originally appeared on Marie Claire